it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
