I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
