now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
