turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
