he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize