Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
