is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize