I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
soo... how was my night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
