What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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