i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
