i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
