ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
