tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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