that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
