Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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