Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up under a house in Key West
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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