I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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