Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
