I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
