My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I cannot find my penis.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
