I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
