my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
