I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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