Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
