It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dicks are not precious.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
