i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
