She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
