My friends, they love my intelligence
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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