looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You took a bar mat shot.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
