I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
