I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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