My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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