Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
