Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
