Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
