dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
