i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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