remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
