whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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