Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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