my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is wine microwaveable?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
