the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
