I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
