Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
