please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
