batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he thought i was a dude.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
