his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
