It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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