i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
