I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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