just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
