I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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