I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
