Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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