the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
