After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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