wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
