shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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