Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
