I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
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