The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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