end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize