It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm at about main and main street
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
