ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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