It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
