So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize