im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
