They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
