shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
