I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize