got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
