P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
