Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
