I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
