I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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