Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
