All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
