apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
