Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
