Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
