Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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