holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize