I CAN MOONWALK!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
