I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
