Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
