I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
