I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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