oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
