I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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