Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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