Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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