Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
