ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
