My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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