I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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