Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
