I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
