Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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