I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
