sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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