Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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