She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
