A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
