how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
