Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
