I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
